When Suicidal Thoughts Are A Normal Part Of Your Life

I would love to know what it’s like to not have suicidal thoughts for any extended period of time, but I don’t. My mind doesn’t handle things well and a bad day quickly spirals. It’s not necessarily that I all out want to die most days, it’s just that my mind decides that that’s the […]

My Limitations Don’t Care if You (or I) Think They’re Ridiculous

I had a hell of an argument with R today, which mostly revolved around me having, admittedly, not the best attitude about a request dealing with the kiddos. Before I get to that though: I’ve found the word I’ve been looking for. I’ve called them “my problems.” I’ve called them “my issues.” I’ve called them […]

I’ll be back in a few days

Hey sunshines. Things have gotten to a really bad point with me, I’m very much red, and while I’m still lucid enough to do so, I’m going back to the crisis unit.Over the last two weeks I’ve been battling extremely bad depressive thoughts and suicidal thoughts, mainly due to dysphoria, and the added piece of […]

Mental Illness, safety plans, and safe people

There have been a couple people that have reached out to me and asked if I was okay, as my posts seemed pretty dark. The answer? No, I’m not okay, and I may end up in the crisis unit again pretty soon But I am safe. See, in the unit that I’ve gone to before, […]

Combined and intertwined -mental illnesses

Image found here I’ve been asked before what exactly it is that I “deal with”, because apparently people want to know all at once? I don’t know. I’m often afraid to say because the list is long and it feels like I’m going “poor old me”, but I’m not, it’s just what my life is. […]

I Had Everything I Wanted – And I Still Wanted To Die

Originally posted on Let's Queer Things Up!:
I’ve spent an hour, give or take, furiously pacing the floor of my apartment. They call this “psychomotor agitation,” though I don’t know it yet. I feel like I can’t stand to be in my skin another second, like I’m completely wired and simultaneously the most depressed…

A color code for emotions? What?!

I’ve been trying to figure out for a long time a very simple, succinct way to tell my confidants how I’m feeling, especially when things are bad. There’s one big, huge, problematic issue… I can’t tell anyone when I’m feeling suicidal. And that happens to cause just a few issues like, I don’t know, not […]