Autism testing day number one. Can’t get the darkness out of my head

I’m sitting up in bed, next to my girlfriend. She is fast asleep. She works nights. I didn’t sleep well last night, I should really be asleep with her… I can’t sleep though. I’m having nightmares again. I don’t remember them.  Be all accounts, I should be excited. Today is my first day of testing […]

Sometimes, I really miss my abuser

After I got out of my abusive relationship in 2011, I was on a rape survivors forum pretty constantly for about a year. They helped so much. I’ve been going through my posts on there, and that’s when I “found” this. It’s not actually easy to let go of your abuser. There are times when […]

The Love Yourself List: Links To Help If You’re Feeling Suicidal

*imageĀ found here. ****Occasionally I will repost this as I get more information, or more readers in different countries**** Whoever you are, whether I’ve talked to you or not, you are beautiful. You are loved. There are people that care about you, even if you don’t realize it, even if you can’t see it right now. […]

Purple and green, a terrible thing

It’s the small triggers that are the worst I think. It’s harder to explain them to people, because they seem so trivial from the outside. I’ve had a rough time with it for years, and I’ve had people find themselves initially amused, and sometimes blowing off my concerns, or just being completely and totally unable […]

Understanding is a double edged sword

Through conversation with the amazing Laurie , it made me think about something I hadn’t thought of in a while. So… It is nice to have someone who understands, truly understands, what you are going through when you’ve been through abuse. Someone who’s been through abuse is able to go into that hole with you, […]

To my love and my hate – a past letter from the aftermath of an abusive relationship

This was written just a couple days after the six month marker of my escape from V.

To my Love and my Hate,

I used to be so strong. The rock of every group that I was in. I was always the one to turn to in the darkest of situations. That’s who I used to be.

Continue reading “To my love and my hate – a past letter from the aftermath of an abusive relationship”