life · trans

I’m privileged, and I’m not talking about being white

So, if it’s not cause I’m white (which is a privilege, but not what I’m talking about), then what is it?

It’s because I’m cis passing. It’s because people think I’m a biological woman. It’s because, generally, the only way people know I’m trans is if I tell them. I don’t “look trans”. I’m your every day girl. Every day next door neighbor. An attempted and failed Betty Homemaker. How does this make me privileged?

I can get a job way easier I can keep a job way easier.
I can afford to have my guard down a little bit when I’m out (though I don’t cause it’s still scary)
I can be taken more seriously when I talk about trans issues
I don’t have to rush in and out of restrooms (I still do), or hold it until I get home (not so much anymore)
I can “blend in.” I don’t get stared at all the time
I can get housing easier
I don’t get berated and told it’s my fault if someone harasses me (at least not for trans issues)
I don’t get yelled at by strangers
I don’t have to hear horrid things like “you fucking tranny” or “what the fuck are you doing in a dress dude?”
I am able to gain aquaintences and friends easier.
I don’t have to be scared all the time, but I still am, because it is scary.

Period.

What bothers me the most, is that my activism can be double edged sword. Wait… what? Yeah.

By being another cis-passing trans person, I make it harder for cis people to understand other trans people. We have so many cis-passing faces out there. That’s what is prominent, being paraded around by fucking media “Look! They look just like us, perhaps they are okay.” And every one of my siblings that aren’t cis passing get thrown under the bus. You’re a girl and look masculine, a boy and look feminine, androgynous? Guess what, you still get to be screamed at, you still get to be thrown under the bus, you still have to be afraid every time you go out, you still get the stares… Sometimes I don’t feel like I help this at all.

Everybody takes me as your every day cis girl, and it gives me the privilege to live life like most other cis people. That is my privilege. To live what you know as a normal life. To be able to do all the things that you take for granted.
Do you understand how messed up that is, my privilege is the ability to be treated normally.

But by being cis-passing and an activist… for as much good as I do, I also inevitably harm my siblings that aren’t, because everyone thinks that trans people are supposed to look like cis people, if we do it right. That is so damn frustrating because there’s bodies of every size, shape, type… All of them are absolutely beautiful, and everyone needs to start seeing that.

That is my privilege, and I will use it until I break down every single fucking wall that my siblings have to deal with. I will not stop until the world that I knew growing up, the Jerry Springer bullshit that was the only media there was… I will not stop doing what I do, until that is something in the past. Something that both cis and trans people alike can all look at and go “wow, that’s really messed up” because right now… It’s still funny apparently.

I’m privileged.

I’m using it.

And hell if anyone will silence my voice.

Thank you sunshines for reading this. I hope you have a beautiful day!

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6 thoughts on “I’m privileged, and I’m not talking about being white

  1. It’s kind of weird to me that I’ve reached a point where I mostly pass, now. I tell people I’m trans and they tell me they had no idea. Except for that one guy in the men’s room who told me I shouldn’t be there and he could tell I was really a girl because my voice “gave it away” and then he went and fetched the security guard when I had the audacity to take a piss anyway. Jerk. And that time last month when I could have sworn a couple of classmates referred to me as “she” but I wasn’t quite sure I heard right and I never got a chance to find out if I did or not which kind of feels worse than if they had definitely misgendered me because it’s too awkward to call them on it when you’re not sure if they really did misgender you because sometimes you really did just hear them wrong and then you look stupid for assuming they called you a girl.

    Well, okay, so I don’t really pass well when people hear my voice before seeing all of the other obvious indicators that I am a guy. Or after, sometimes (so annoying when people call me ‘sir’ and then ‘correct’ themselves after I speak). But my voice is dropping now that I am on T, so I guess even that will stop soon. And it’s really weird that I can finally sort of almost take it for granted that people will obviously see me as a guy, because I’ve been used to being androgynous for several years.

    But man, isn’t it so weird that two people can look at and hear the exact same person, and then both come to different conclusions about their gender, and yet they can still both feel certain that they categorized the person correctly? It’s like I’ve got Schroedinger’s gender presentation or something…

    Anyway. Excellent post. I am glad that you are using your powers of relative privilege for good. I sometimes feel like I have a sort of opposite issue where I talk about trans people as if we all have to worry about not passing, and forget about the people who can take passing for granted after a certain stage of transition and don’t have to worry about that stuff any more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so kindly for the comment, and for opening up some about your experiences sunshine. While a frustrating thing, being schrodenger’s trans kid is a pretty neat title. Wish I would have thought of that!! Jokes aside, I’m sorry for the issues. T will definitely help that though. It’s amazing the spectrum of presentation and people, and sometimes it is really hard to remember those in different positions. *hugs*
      I hope you don’t run into too many issues. Take gentle care of yourself

      Liked by 1 person

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