life · sex

A little secret, not so dirty

With everything regarding sex that I talk about, and my sexy time poems, you wouldn’t think I am, but…

I’m extremely sex shy.

Total bullshit right? Well…

I hope so one day, but it’s totally not. I’m so ridiculously embarrassed to talk about sex in person, what I like, what I don’t like, what I want to try, any sort of fantasies.

Hell, when I walk into any sort of porn, toy, sex type shop, I go beat red and keep my head down the whole time. Of course, this made working in a porn shop just a little (see: extremely) awkward…

I think a big part of it is being trans and so dysphoric. I don’t want to draw attention to my currently not vagina, and so it becomes more than a little difficult to really talk about sex when it comes to me personally and my likes/dislikes etc.

I don’t know why else, but I know there’s more to it. Sex toys weird me out, shops weird me out, direct conversation about sex (or just general fooling around) involving me weirds me out. I’m just totally off kilter and shy about sex in general and I don’t know why.

I also don’t know why I’ve been so open about sex and sexuality talks involving myself, much less the poems O.o

At the end of the day, I hold this really awkward dichotomy where I truly believe that sex should be a wide open thing, and freely talked about, and I absolutely promote talking to your partner(s) about what you are preferential to, and yet… I sit here, mortified by sex based things and me personally.

Have fantastic sexy time sunshines, be fearless in your talks, and have an absolutely beautiful day!

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