Things have gotten to a really bad point with me, I’m very much red, and while I’m still lucid enough to do so, I’m going back to the crisis unit.Over the last two weeks I’ve been battling extremely bad depressive thoughts and suicidal thoughts, mainly due to dysphoria, and the added piece of the spiral, the fact that I can’t even get surgery to at least make some of it go away. This shit isn’t elective and insurance needs to figure that out. There is so much going on right now talking about bathroom rights and the constant misgendering that’s going on in the articles and things about it. I’ve seen so many things about pregnancy and breast feeding lately, and it’s really fucking with my head.
It culminated into yesterday when I decided to research gun law and where to buy guns in my city. I’ve found out it’s way too easy and there’s too much supply. I forced myself to go somewhere else, and so I am safe, but it was really hard to make that choice.
I will not continue to be if I don’t go though. It’s too much, it’s too overwhelming and I want to die right now. I hurt so much, my mind, and my body hurt everywhere. So I am going with R and he’s taking me to the crisis unit.
I’m keeping myself safe loves. I’m using my safety plan, which has turned out to be incredibly helpful.
I do have posts regularly scheduled every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday at 9 AM, so my blog won’t be lifeless, but I won’t be able to respond to anything until I’m out.