Cover photo by Erik Sille
I had a conversation the other day about the… joys that can be had when you are transitioning and just by simply existing when you’re trans, and I thought about how I’m incredibly lucky, and in the same breath, I got so ridiculously mad.
So… Why is it that I’m lucky?
I was able to obtain full time employment, much less…
I have a stable job.
I have stable housing.
I still have my family…
…and they’re willing to learn.
I’m not the black sheep of the family that nobody talks about.
I lost most of my friends initially, but I now have a beautiful group of tight knit friends that are accepting and want to learn more constantly.
I went through a fairly nasty divorce and my ex didn’t try to use my trans status against me when it came to the kids.
I’ve never been raped/jumped/beaten/had anyone try to kill me, just because I’m trans.
And why was I so mad?
The fact that the list right here *amongst other things* means that I’m fucking lucky really, really bothers me. It’s not okay the way that my trans siblings are treated. It’s not okay the way trans children are treated. It’s not okay that it’s acceptable to beat us. To rape us. To kill us. To be our fucking family and ditch us. It’s not okay that most of us lose most our friends. That it’s hell to get a job, much less keep it. That people try to take our kids just for existing.
It’s fucked up, and it’s wrong. I try so hard to be positive and do as much outreach as possible, and on most days I love talking to people who don’t like trans people, because I love changing minds. I love opening hearts. I love reaching across entire chasms to stitch the floor beneath us together.
But there are just some days I want to yell to the whole world. Fuck you. Fuck making us feel like hell. Fuck laying so many disgusting things at our feet that almost half my siblings (myself included in this) have tried to kill ourselves. Fuck all the people that celebrate trans people being raped, murdered and killed. Fuck every single person that tells my siblings they should go kill themselves. That tell us we’re monsters. Fucked in the head. Disgusting. That is good that we don’t have children, and those of us that do should lose ours. That we don’t deserve a job or a place to live. That their god is sending us to hell. Fuck the people that tell my religious siblings that they aren’t worthy of their savior’s grace. Fuck all the people who “like trans people” and only end up being fucking disgusting ass fetishists who can’t see us as people, but a really cool toy straight out of a porn.
I am so sick and fucking tired of seeing my siblings hurt so much. It hurts me that so many of my siblings have died from their own hands, from the hands of others. It’s disgusting that it is normal life for us to have to be worried if our next date is going to beat the piss out of us. That we have to out ourselves for fear of death when we are trying to date. That just existing as we are and walking outside could mean a brutal beating because… what? “Fuck you tranny” right?
Sometimes, I admittedly get tired of our cisgender allies and advocates. We are so utterly unknown, and life is set up so completely from a cis point of view, that even our allies have a tendency of being… less than helpful, or even out right mean and transphobic, and don’t even know it.
I’m lucky. I am lucky as hell to have something that most people have, and most people take for granted. I’m lucky as hell to have a basic “normal life” and that is really fucked up.
Thank you for reading sunshines, you are so awesome, I hope you have a beautiful day and take gentle care of yourselves.