Rapid descent into darkness


It’s amazing how fast my moods and feelings can change. That’s one of the scarier deals with everything I deal with. 10 minutes ago, I was totally okay, a little tired, a lot in pain, but okay mentally. Now… I’m down and out, feeling like I’m going to explode with dysphoric uncomfortability (if that’s not a word, it is now), and having thoughts of things I probably shouldn’t be thinking about pop in and out of my head. I don’t know what the deal is, and I sure as hell don’t like it.

I was fine 10 minutes ago.

I wasn’t dysphoric 10 minutes ago.

My mind didn’t hurt 10 minutes ago.

I was in mind bliss 10 minutes ago.

And now my entire world is crashing down around me.

Now my dysphoria is through the roof and if I could crawl out of my skin, I would in a heart beat.

Now, I can’t stand to live within my own body.

Now, I have random suicidal thoughts and feelings of despair.

Now I just want to cry. I just want to bawl my eyes out, because my mind hurts so much and my body feels so uncomfortable and foreign to me.

Now I’m dealing with dysphoria. Depression. Worsening anxiety. Warding off self hating thoughts.

10 minutes ago I was fine…

What the fuck, can’t this shit just please, please stop?

2 thoughts on “Rapid descent into darkness

  1. This helped me understand what it’s like for a friend that has bipolar. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot. I have dysphoria and that’s difficult enough, let alone having to deal with that on top of it. Keep your head up. You are a strong person to fight this battle ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you sunshine. I’ve written a lot more about my experiences with being bipolar. I hope it helps you understand better.
      Take gentle care of yourself and have a beautiful day ^.^


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