The other half of my genes

Well, today I sit down and explain face to face to my “father” exactly why I’m absolutely done with the bullshit and cutting him off  completely.

When I was 12, right after his mom, my grandmother and best friend in the entire world died, he sent a scathing letter to my maternal grandparents completely disowning me and saying that my mom fucked around on him, etc, etc. We didn’t have any interaction for three years. Then he said he wanted to be in my life, and apologized for what he had written, told me he knew it was wrong to have said.

Of course, naïve little me who just wanted her daddy in her life, I believed him, took it hook, line, and sinker.

Surprise!

It wasn’t even a year before he stopped talking to me, answering phone calls or returning text/voicemails/emails. I tried, for months. I sent him email after email, I called him several times a week and left a voicemail every time (and I don’t leave voicemails) I did everything I could to contact him short of driving to his place, because, well, at 15, I didn’t have a license.

He again got in contact with me after my first daughter was born. He wanted to be in her life, and he wanted to be in my life is what he told me. I partially fell for it again, I was 19, with a new baby, and he said he would stick around. Well, we talked, and I did tell him that there was no way he was ever going to be my daddy, but we could be friends. He was around for a few years, mostly.

It would get sketchy here and there where I couldn’t contact him for a couple months, then we would hang out. His schedule is crazy, he’s a truck driver, so I let it slide some.

I was invited to be in the wedding with him and his fiancé. I joined, they did this part where they took me and my step siblings, and did their own written vows to us, about how family is family and they would never leave us behind, they would always be there for all of us.

Then, a few years later, we moved 3 miles away from them.

3 FUCKING MILES.

I have not heard from them since. No return emails/facebook messages/texts/calls, nothing! I got a like or a comment on some of my posts from my step mom, but nothing substantial. They knew where we lived. They knew we were close, and they never fucking bothered to show up. Well, about a week ago he told me he wanted to talk to me, but he would understand if I didn’t want to talk. I do. I want to tell him exactly why I am not allowing him in my life.

I want to tell him how much he fucking hurt me, how I will not allow him to fuck up my babies life like he did mine. I want to tell him how much I wanted my daddy in my life, and not only was he never there for me, but he dragged my ass along for almost my entire life. I want to tell him I’m tired and I’m hurt. That I’m done.

I am just done.

I can’t do the bullshit anymore. I won’t do the bullshit anymore.

He better not try to push for a relationship, it’s going to be hard enough to keep my cool… I’m not looking forward to this, but I don’t like to leave people in the dust, to me, everyone deserves to know why something is happening, so I’m going to tell him.

I’m so fucking done, I make an overcooked steak look rare.

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7 thoughts on “The other half of my genes

  1. I had an amazing relationship with my dad but it didn’t really take off until the last 20 years of his life. I wish you much luck in your new journey. Set the future for those who follow behind you. Make sure your kids have fond memories of both their parents. Much love sister.

    Liked by 1 person

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