Relationship Anarchy, good conversation, and a cool new relationship

I’ve wanted to get myself to the point of relationship anarchy for a while now. It just seems like the most wonderful, positive way of going about things to me.

So uh… What is this relationship anarchy thing?

Well, Takate over at Poly Pride writes it out quite well in this post:

This is a a philosophy in which all people are seen as completely free to engage in any relationships they choose. The principles of freedom and spontaneity are desirable and considered necessary traits in forming healthy relationships.

It also suggests that no relationship should be entered into or restricted by any form of duty or obligation and that any relationship choice should be allowable.

Ideally there will never be any necessity  for distinction between “partner” and “non-partner.”

Well… I admittedly had a hard time really grasping it while R and I were together. For any of my current readers, if you missed it, things went really south for me last month and R and I are no longer partners. This was probably the best move that we could have ever made for each other.

During this time, I’ve met a wonderful new person, G. We’ve “known” each other, in passing, for… a year or two? We only really actually met about a month ago though. We talked and talked away (and have ever since. 3 hour conversations anyone? ^.^) We’ve also gotten a lot closer over that time, and it’s been very smooth, because one of the first things we did was have a huge talk about boundaries.

G has really set me on the path to fully embracing and being within relationship anarchy, which as I said in the beginning I absolutely adore, and that’s where I want to be in my life.

See, G and I have both told each other we aren’t the hottest with setting boundaries. Also, I am not so good with titles, and the expected boundaries and expectations therein.

Then, to top it off, I am totally crushing on her in a romantic way, more or less have been since our first conversation. Her mind is absolutely gorgeous, she’s physically stunning, super cuddly, and she’s just a very chill person, and that chill radiates so strongly, you basically can’t feel stressed. I think it’s reciprocated to some extent? I don’t know, I’m interested in knowing because I’m inquisitive as shit, but ultimately…

It doesn’t matter whether either of us is crushing on the other. At all. Why? Well, we talk about our boundaries, we talk about what we do and do not want from each other. We are both quite content where we are at, and things will only change if there are new conversations about boundaries. She’s the first person that has come into my life that I have had serious boundary conversations with. I mean, K and I had some, but not nearly as extensively.

She’s the first person where there’s no title, I mean, to the outside world she’s “my friend” for sake of simplicity, because too many people don’t get the concept of “we are.” To each other though, we are just G and Ivy, and that’s that.

Being the way that G and my relationship sits, it’s made it really easy to feel things out, to be able to figure out what kind of dynamics we want from each other. Overall, though there is a LOT more conversation, it’s also much less stressful and much easier to navigate.

It’s really becoming a beautiful thing, this whole relationship anarchy deal. I’ve come to the point where my dynamics with people are relationships. Period. It doesn’t matter if it’s plutonic, romantic, friendly, lovers… we have a relationship, and that’s that.

3 thoughts on “Relationship Anarchy, good conversation, and a cool new relationship

  1. Wow, I really admire your determination to go into this so open minded. How do you fight the insecurity of not knowing if she likes you back, or what her relationships are to others? Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There is no insecurity in not knowing, I’m just inquisitive, that’s the only reason I’m even intrigued to know for certain so there’s nothing to fight. The way I look at that is that our relationship is where it is, and it’s beautiful. I don’t have to know exactly how she feels or if she’s crushing on me, I only have to know what we want together, and where we are both comfortable being at.
      As far as her relationships with other people? Her life and mine intertwine in some ways, and sure, we are fairly closely intimate, but her life is not mine, and mine is not hers. I don’t own her nor do I dictate, or have any wish to dictate, her actions or relationships. The only time I would interfere is if I noticed that one of her relationships was obviously unhealthy. We aren’t in any particular type of relationship, we just simply are where and when we are. I want those that I care about to be free to do whatever they want to be happy in their lives. I do not ever want to chain anyone I care about to me, or be part of their relationships with other people. I’m just as free and open with R, who is absolutely the love of my life and the most intimate and just generally close person to me. We’ve known each other for 11 years and were officially partners for 4 1/2 years, up until last month, and while, especially because of circumstance, it was quite shocking to lose that title, it’s been absolutely wonderful to NOT have it anymore. It has allowed him and myself to be able to simply flow and “just be” much easier.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m so glad to hear you’re letting go of what you ‘should’ be, and are just doing what makes you feel good. It’s something I can appreciate in everyone, even if I can’t fully relate to them. Wishing you many happy unrestrictive relationships 🙂 !!

        Liked by 1 person

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