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This is probably the most beautifully put, succinct way to say why I do what I do. Why I put myself out there, why I do things like my Anxiety Monologues. Why I put so much of my most intimate and private parts of my life, of my hell, of my happiness into this blog.
There is so much in my life that I have lost to mental illness, like most of my relationships, many of my friends, lots of sleep, memories, so many happy times, stability, jobs, general enjoyment of my life… The list just keeps going.
There are also things that have been significantly delayed, like school 10 years later than I wanted, being able to lead a semi-normal life, an ability to hold down a job, and more.
I’ve dealt with this shit for the last 13-14 years. My teenage years were stolen from me. I spent my time homeless, jumping from place to place to place, dropping out of multiple school, destroying my life, quitting jobs, cutting off friendships, disappearing on people, all because of my eternal back and forth of mania and depression, and my paranoia, voices and depression.
What helps me live with all this the most is helping other people. Using my voice, using my survival, my suffering, my wins and my losses, using all of that to help other people. If I can turn my pain into something beautiful, then I’ve succeeded. If I can help one single person have a better life through sharing my experiences, if one person can benefit from what I say, then all of it is worth it. To be able to make someone else’s life better… All of my negative experiences are worth it.
Mental illness has stolen so much of my life, and be damned if I won’t try to keep it from stealing yours.
Thank you for reading. Have a beautiful day sunshines and take very gentle care of yourselves.