Sometimes, I really miss my abuser

After I got out of my abusive relationship in 2011, I was on a rape survivors forum pretty constantly for about a year. They helped so much. I’ve been going through my posts on there, and that’s when I “found” this. It’s not actually easy to let go of your abuser. There are times when I still get a little bit of this feeling, but they are very few and far between anymore.
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I miss her. I miss her face, her body against mine when we cuddled, her lips on mine when we kissed.
I miss her voice, and her silliness. I miss her caring, and I miss how she made me feel like the top of the world. I miss her beauty, I miss just simply looking at her, and getting lost in her looks and my feelings for her.

I wish I could forget all these things.

How the hell could I miss someone so badly that abused me like she did? How can I even think of the good?

Worst of all…. how could I want her back?

I think I’m broken :/

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5 thoughts on “Sometimes, I really miss my abuser

    1. It does hurt to think about. I’m just glad that I don’t miss her as much as I used to. One or two times a month is sooooooo much better than every day.
      I hope it doesn’t happen too much for you sunshine

      Liked by 1 person

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