So, today marks the first full week that I don’t have my best friend sleeping in my bed with me anymore, and it’s been fucking hard. My night terrors have been overwhelming me terribly. Last night was okay… I think? I’m not sure… I didn’t sleep well, but I also don’t remember any night terrors, plus I got to bed late. I know things are fine, incredible actually, between him and I, but I just miss the night time. I miss not having my night terrors be so bad. I miss being able to wake up and curl into him and feel safe after they do get to me.
Monday night I woke up screaming and disoriented. I turned to curl into him and… nobody was there. I cried myself back to sleep, still afraid and shaking. It’s going to be a long time before I get used to sleeping alone. Even before we got together in 2011 we slept in the same bed, because, well, he was safe, he kept me safe, and I could sleep through the night. Right now though…
I can’t do it, not yet. I can’t sleep well at night, and it’s taking it’s toll.
I’ll be okay, I’m just having a rough moment.
Have a beautiful day sunshines.