Hitting a rough spot

So, today marks the first full week that I don’t have my best friend sleeping in my bed with me anymore, and it’s been fucking hard. My night terrors have been overwhelming me terribly. Last night was okay… I think? I’m not sure… I didn’t sleep well, but I also don’t remember any night terrors, plus I got to bed late. I know things are fine, incredible actually, between him and I, but I just miss the night time. I miss not having my night terrors be so bad. I miss being able to wake up and curl into him and feel safe after they do get to me.

Monday night I woke up screaming and disoriented. I turned to curl into him and… nobody was there. I cried myself back to sleep, still afraid and shaking. It’s going to be a long time before I get used to sleeping alone. Even before we got together in 2011 we slept in the same bed, because, well, he was safe, he kept me safe, and I could sleep through the night. Right now though…

I can’t do it, not yet. I can’t sleep well at night, and it’s taking it’s toll.

I’ll be okay, I’m just having a rough moment.

Have a beautiful day sunshines.


3 thoughts on “Hitting a rough spot

  1. Also a friend of mine who recently left her abusive spouse? Her mom got her a giant stuffed animal to sleep with. Maybe something similar would help you?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Someone else suggested that too, and I’m not past trying it, but I sill sleep with stuffies, and it’s someone holding me, not me holding them, that makes a huge difference 😦


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