Can’t quite remember

When I regain lucidity, I don’t remember a whole lot from the time that I’m not. I’ve been certain that I had been planning to commit suicide, but something didn’t add up… I had two scarves, a pair if heavy gloves, two jackets, and four knives on me…

If I was planning on commuting suicide, then why did I need all those things?

I think what might have happened is that I was planning on running and then I decided to kill myself and convinced myself that it was thought out. That’s the only thing that logically makes sense.

I mean, it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done and isn’t going to chage, but the inconsistencies bother me. It always scares me after I’m lucid again, because I can’t remember…

I can never remember. Not fully. I get lost, and I can’t find those times to make sense of them. 

I’m okay. I’ve just been thinking about that a lot since I got out.


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