Did You Ever

This poem was written ~ 6 months after escaping

Did You Ever?

My beloved abuser,

Did you ever stop to think
For one single moment in time
Of what you did

Did you ever stop to think
I was your beloved, your dearest, your baby girl, your love
and yet you pushed me, you hit me, then finally you bit me

Did you ever stop to think
I loved you, I was in love with you, I wanted to protect you, I tried so hard, and gave up everything
And yet… it never was enough, and instead of protector I played my part as victim

Did you ever stop to think
I told you I didn’t want to, I was in tears so thick I could barely speak
You told me it was that, or you would return to him. So I said yes, and we had sex

Did you ever stop to think
That maybe that wasn’t consensual.
That maybe I was crying because I didn’t want to.

Did you ever stop to think
That maybe I was telling the truth
I wasn’t coping out

Did you ever stop to think
That maybe it was NEVER wanted after that
That maybe I just learned to shut up. That I was afraid of the one I loved.

Did you ever stop to think
You gave me the one thing I wanted, someone I was in love with
And in the same breath destroyed me

Did you ever stop to think
That maybe just maybe it wasn’t my fault. That maybe you did something wrong?

Did you ever stop to think
About the fact that you said you loved me, you were in love with me, yet…
You tore me apart, shattered me into pieces, and destroyed my life.

Did you ever stop to think
That maybe so many people have dropped you and said your crazy
Because you are.

Did you ever stop to think
How much you fucked up my head.
What your lies have done not just to me, but to others as well

Did you ever stop to think
That what you did wasn’t love.
That what you did destroyed me.
That what you did hurt my daughters.
That what you did hurt our children.
That what you did was wrong.
That what you did showed that I’m not worth anything to you.

Did you ever stop to think

That maybe, you didn’t love me at all

I wish I wasn’t in love with you anymore,
Your shattered Baby Girl

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