I have relationship issues. More specifically, I have issues when it’s titled a romantic relationship. When someone is my girlfriend or partner, I start having problems with how I expect it to go. It all comes down to negative past experiences and still, to some extent, thinking those things are normal and expecting them to happen.
Anyway, ever since I talked to K and R about labeling relationships, I’ve been thinking about how I would internally understand my relationships without specified labels and I realized that, in a way, I do that already.
I have pet names for everyone. I don’t remember names well at all, plus when I get a chance to call someone sunshine, it makes them happy and I’m so glad for that. We need more smiles in the world. You probably know (gee I wonder how) I call everyone sunshine. It’s my default pet name for people. It makes people smile and that makes me happy as well.
But when I feel more for someone or they are very close to me, I noticed that pet names start changing. At some point I catch myself calling someone honey or dear or sweetheart, etc.
If I start getting really close to someone, I often will call them love.
Those absolutely the closest to me I often call “my love”.
It becomes a way for me to express how I feel to someone. This also creates an atmosphere in which I don’t have to feel bad about how I feel and I don’t have to suppress my feelings.
It seems weird that I’ve only just now realized this.
It’s interesting because it’s a matter of closeness. It’s not necessarily that I am in a partner or lover type relationship with them, but rather I feel for them in such a way that I would be happy to be in one. It becomes a matter only of feeling, rather than having included the concern of title specific relationship dynamics.
I’ve truly loved people that I have never dated and I’ve dated people I didn’t love. Ever since escaping from V, I’ve struggled with relationship dynamics. The idea of the label partner or girlfriend is enough to spook me, even if I know the person well. Since that conversation with them, I’ve started working to view my relationships only from how I feel about the other person. It’s a lot less stress than worrying about what title it should have. I think it helps me cope with all the shit that happened and all the fears I have and it seems to be making relationships of all kinds easier for me, and hopefully other people as well.
Anyway, that is all on this one. Thank you for reading, and have a beautiful day sunshines ^.^