anxiety · life

Paranoia and losing sleep

Paranoia has gotten the better of me tonight… It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m still up, bone tired but unable to sleep. R is out. I know where he is and what he’s doing, but I can not convince myself that he is alright.

I finally broke and texted him about 20 minutes ago. He texted back saying he was safe and on his way home. So that helps a little, but he still has the drive home, and, well, vehicles are very anxious and paranoia causing things. I love to drive, but I think it’s getting harder to control the older I get. So I sit here writing, listening to the incessant background of the clock ticking, mocking my fear, blaring each second that I know he is dead right into my ears. Usually I can at least calm the thoughts enough to be able to go to sleep or not worry terribly but sometimes, it becomes something like this where I’m just sure something has happened and I can’t sleep until he gets back, even though I’m so incredibly tired

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