Weight restrictions or weight additions?

I know that I really want to gain weight, but I’m not so keen on it… My weight bothers me. I want to lose what I have. I want to be down to my old weight. I want to be back down to 110-120. I don’t really care right now that it’s supposedly unhealthy. I miss it. I feel so… blech. I’ve been having a hard time lately. I haven’t been not eating… yet. I think about it though. Just skipping a meal here and there. I know I shouldn’t, but the pull is back, and it’s strong. I don’t know what to do. I’m being pulled in two different directions.

On one hand, I want to gain 20 more pounds or so (which apparently is fucking impossible), because I have a certain image I really want, but…

On the other hand, I feel like I could use to lose 30 or 40 pounds, because.. I have a certain image I really want…

I feel like things are falling apart around me, even though they are all going so well… or maybe I’m just falling apart. I haven’t had these problems this bad since high school.

Thank you for reading sunshines, and I hope you have a beautiful day.


3 thoughts on “Weight restrictions or weight additions?

    1. Honestly, the whole thing isn’t. I’m aware of it… I’m 6′ 1″. I’m technically underweight by about 20 pounds anyway. I’m still lucid enough to know this isn’t a good thing, but it’s one hell of a draw….

      Liked by 1 person

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