First and foremost, I am not in any way, shape or form hoping that trans men and masculine identified trans people should catch hell, none of us should, and this post is not meant to suggest anything like this. Also, I’m not suggesting any of our lives are easy.
That said, let’s start.
There are a couple reasons that I think can make it harder for trans women to pass.
1. People don’t even realize that trans men may exist. Which comes from a lack of exposure, and trans men tend to look more masculine easier than many trans women look more feminine. (again, please, this isn’t a dis on trans men, it’s just something I’ve personally noticed. I’m fully aware it doesn’t make your transition easier, and that’s not a catch all truth.)
2. Upgrades. No matter how you spin it, if you act, dress, look, or even stare in the wrong gender mode expected from you, you’re going to catch hell, but it is more acceptable for a female to “upgrade” to a male, then it is for a male to “lower themselves” to a female.
This is how it seems to be when it comes to the general societal view of everyone. Tomboys are weird, but it’s cool, but if you have a boy that wears girls clothes and “acts feminine”
(regardless of sexuality), well, that’s going to cause problems. In fact, there isn’t even a word for feminine men that isn’t derogatory.
We separate colors early on, blue for boys, pink for girls. This again shows the same thing. It’s cool if girls like boy colors, they can wear “baby boy blue” or any other kind of blue, and it’s cool. Except for the pink button up fad, if a boy wants to wear all the pinks and pretties, well, in the wonderful words of assholes:
You better man the fuck up boy, you ain’t no sissy.
It’s bullshit, and it’s frustrating. This whole male domination thing is absolutely ridiculous. This ability to emasculate many men with just a change of clothes, or toys, or even by not doing anything with them, but showing them the “wrong” person or situation, and poof… They go into this hyper-masculine mode and need everybody else around them to do the same.
I would like to say I can’t understand for the life of me why there’s the double standards, but I do understand. I also get how they play out. I’ve lived life as a boy, and I live my life now as a woman. I’ve been subjected to both standards. I dressed more feminine in high school, well before I transitioned, and I was constantly called a fag, and other such lovely things.
But now, holy hell, it’s so different…
Sometimes I dress a little more androgynous or more on the masculine side: guys t-shirts, cargo pants, so on and so forth. If not that, then girls jeans and a tight top, and often no makeup. I am a tomboy, and it’s cool, providing another person doesn’t think I’m trans, because if they do, well… then that changes the story.
This whole male/female dichotomy is fucking insane, and isn’t good for anyone. I see it slowly being blurred and erased, but it’s agonizingly slowly, and in the meantime, it’s getting people hurt. It’s getting people killed, and it’s making so many people miserable. It needs to change, but it will only change person by person, so please, don’t help keep it up, be a help in changing it.
Thank you for reading, and have a beautiful day sunshines ^.^