I just receive a beautiful comment from concertinaqueer, one of my lovely sunshines (yes, you guys are my sunshines, not my readers. You all bring so many smiles to my face, thank you ^.^)
Anyway, she commented on my most recent post “Shame” saying “I’m sorry it’s a hard time right now, but I hope it gets better for you very soon! Thinking good thoughts for a miracle for you and your family!”
That statement really go me to thinking about how I see my life differently then perhaps you guys do, so I thought I would delve into it a little bit.
Yeah, I have a hard time, and yeah, I’m still more broke than a tree that’s been through a wood chipper, but, if I believed in miracles, I’d say I’ve probably had a few, because…
I am at absolutely the best, most financially and mentally stable point in my life that I have ever been in.
To me, the problems, the things I don’t have, aren’t a huge thing. Where I am at now is such an amazing step up from where the rest of my adult life has been.
It wasn’t until this house that I’ve ever lived on my own, out of family’s houses, and not been afraid every single month on whether I can make rent, because I can. Our money is stretched tight, sure, and we’ve gotten into some jams, but we have never had to worry about making rent. We’ve had our utilities turned off for a little bit a couple of times, but to me, that’s like having to worry about a paper cut (probably from the now processed, wood chipped tree) instead of constantly having someone try to chop my damn arm off, it stings, but it’s no big deal.
We’ve been in this house for 1 1/2 years, and never once had to worry that our rent wasn’t going to get paid, that we weren’t going to have a place to live next month.
My life is better. It’s a lot better. I spent almost 6 years on and off the streets. During that time, I stopped counting how many places I stayed when I got into the 30s. I have medical insurance, I have a full time job. I have disability benefits through my job, I have life insurance through my job. I’ve rarely had the first two, and never had the last two.
I’m adulting like a mother fucker you guys, and it’s amazing to me that I am where I am.
So things are better. They can improve, but I don’t know that the sentiment of I hope they get better works, because they are better. As far as I’m concerned, I went from living 8 mile style to getting all ritzy up in here like I’m in Bel Air.
Concertina, this is not by any means to discount your comment, and I’m grateful for the sentiments, but it did make me realize that there’s so much of my story missing, and I hope to continue to share it, and open it up.
I’ve come to love laying it all out in just the few short months this blog has been around. It’s a beautiful thing, and every comment I get about how I’ve helped people understand, or helped people feel better, or anything where I’m thanked for what I’ve said… Any time I’ve made a positive impact on someone’s life, it’s so incredibly beautiful, and I’m grateful for that chance, and thankful that I can do that for you.
So sunshines, I will continue to bare my soul, and I hope you continue to enjoy reading.
I love you fellow humans. take gentle care of yourself, and have a beautiful day! ^.^