Dark Wishes

I wrote this about a week ago. It is an incredibly dark and very possibly disturbing post. Just a heads up for you guys.

This may well be one of the worst posts that I write…

I find myself not wanting to come home at times, because they will be there.

They cause most of the problems in the household.

They hit everyone.

They scream constantly.

I often fear DHS will be called, because if I dare set them in time out, they scream as loud as they can, wild and desperate “No mommy! No mommy no! No mommy! Don’t!” over and over and over again.

They break everything. We can’t give them a toy without worrying that it will be broke in less than an hour.

The destroy everything they touch. It’s like their life missions is to screw things up.

They came from her. They’re a hellish reminder.

They think it’s funny to be mean.

They ignore almost everything that is said. You dare ask them anything, say anything… it doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative, they will just look at you and smile this sly smile like they think they are being funny, and just stare you down, and completely ignore you.

They are 5, and so much more badly behaved than any of the children have ever been, including the 2 year old.

Life for all of us would be simpler, better, less hurtful, less painful, and less… I don’t know, so many negative things if they weren’t here.

There are so many days that I’ve wished I could wish the twins away, and this is one of them. From the moment I’ve walked in, they have hit, slapped, punched, kicked, kicked again, kicked some more, thrown toys at, and just generally been mean and nasty to their siblings. E (2) woke up, and within the first five minutes of being awake, D (twin) hauled back and smacked the shit out of him because… that’s what they do. There was no argument, there was no toys to fight over, there was no toy at all, he just came up to E, hauled back and smacked him.

They do this all the time. They find ways to break things. They find ways to destroy so many things. All of their siblings have lost out and so many toys, and even clothes because they won’t stop destroying fucking everything. They go out of their way to be physically violent to their siblings, their siblings toys, and their own toys. They broke another one today. They broke one yesterday. Always. Always with the violence and the breaking and ignoring and just generally being nasty. You can’t even play with them without deciding to be mean or just straight out ignoring you. I can’t ask them a question and get an answer. I ask what kind of ice cream they want and all I get is that fucking grin and stared down, until I ask them to just go, because they won’t answer. Then they scream… the same thing always “No mommy, no mommy, no, don’t, no mommy”. It sounds like I’m beating them to death, when all I ask is to go play in their room, or in the living room, or after the millionth time of asking the same question, telling them that the conversation is done, because they will not answer. That if they won’t answer, then they don’t get whatever it is. Then, of course, then, they will say something. They’ll scream in my face and have a complete melt down, but be damned if they will say anything before that.

Why can’t they just disappear?

Welcome to the horrible parent awards…


5 thoughts on “Dark Wishes

  1. Heh. Sometimes I was a hellish child. I’m sure my parents didn’t know what to do when I’d react to their standards with screaming things like crucify him or anything I thought would disturb him. Yes, at age 4, I knew a lot of things that would disturb my parents and I did this very intentionally.

    I hit my little sister a lot. Granted, my parents insisted I had to be with her all the time and wouldn’t let me get space from her and even took my door off its hinges when they said I closed the door too much and shut her out. So. -.- But we had ugly, ugly fights. I’d provoke her into biting me because I got spanked more than she did and I wanted her to get spanked for once. I was not a nice little child. I was also kinda obsessed with torture.

    And look at who I am now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. lmao I’m not quite sure what to say to that o.0 “Crucify him” Really? *hugs* Oh my goodness you were a hellion. And yes, look at how you turned out, you are an amazing person. This is like GMH worthy for parents with hell raisers.


  2. You are very honest and I hope that people are kind in comments. You are going through the toughest of times right now. It’s a vicious cycle… The more frustrated you are the more they act out and it goes on. As you know, there is nothing that anyone can possibly say to make it better right now. You need a break. And, they need a break! You need a break from each other. It’s not selfish to insist on this. Bring them to a friend, family…. Anyone. In the meantime, in every moment remind yourself that these toughest of times will pass. You will get through it and they will, before you know it, be making their own lunches and cleaning up after themselves (for the most part). There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *hugs* Thank you so kindly ra. This post is weighing heavy on me, as I do fear some about the comments, though, I have had interaction with most of my followers at this point, and they all are a pretty awesome bunch of decent, understanding individuals.
      Thank you for reading, and for following, and thank you so much for your input sunshine

      Liked by 1 person

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