life · trans

For once, the mirror isn’t my enemy

There’s this weird thing that happens to a lot of trans individuals. That would be bad self esteem. I have that to a terrible degree.though recently, I have, for the first time in my life, looked in a mirror and felt hopeful, dare I even say happy with the changes I’m starting to see. I don’t think people really realize just how much the hormones mean to a lot of is. I’m sorting here on the edge of tears…

because I’m happy.

“As I become more comfortable and less a battlefield of self vs. body, I hope to help others understand why I want to do this, and why these thing are medically important.”

For the first time in my life I feel like I might be decent looking. There might be a reason people are attracted to me, and maybe, just maybe? I may even have the potential to be pretty. For the last three weeks or so, looking on the mirror hasn’t been torch torturous.

“I hope that one day people will truly understand my goal. My life. My transition. I am becoming a whole entity through this. I am not confused. I am  not uncertain. I know who I am. I know who I should be.”

I’m so happy to be living in an age where this is possible.  I don’t have to deal with my lot and try to make the best out of something miserable. I have access to the scientific advancements, and social ability to transition. I am very grateful to live in the hear and now where this is possible.   I hope that one day people will truly understand my goal. My life. My transition. I am becoming a whole entity through this. I am not confused. I am  not uncertain. I know who I am. I know who I should be. As I become more comfortable and less a battlefield of self vs. body, I hope to help others understand why I want to do this, and why these thing are medically important. I feel closer to being at peace with myself now, after five months on hormones than I ever have. In my enter life.

For a long time I’ve said that if hell exists, then I’m living in it and for once, I don’t feel like that’s true.

Have a beautiful day sunshines.

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9 thoughts on “For once, the mirror isn’t my enemy

  1. That’s awesome, Ivy!

    Myself, I can’t stand to look at mirrors after I’ve taken my clothes off to get in the shower. Go figure, my bathroom would have three huge mirrors! But I feel okay looking in the mirror as long as I’m clothed and wearing a binder, because I actually look like me. I tend to get really self conscious about whether my chest looks weird, and wear multiple layers of clothing to obscure it, but I’m mostly okay with how I look.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you sunshine ^.^ and I’m glad that you are mostly okay with how you look ^.^
      It’s getting better for me, it’s best when I have makeup on, shaved and pants on. I’m becoming more okay with being shirtless in front of the mirror, as the hormones do their wonderful job and I’ve started growing breasts. It’s just so nice to finally be to a point where I don’t loathe the person in the mirror.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is always a process to learn to love ourselves. Even the most beautiful person often struggles with this problem. Take your time in developing self esteem for yourself, let it be solid.
    B

    Liked by 1 person

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