I have five kids. That’s a lot, I know. Not Quiverfull a lot, but a lot nonetheless. This, combined with being so young, leads to a lot of… Less than helpful comments. Such helpful little statements such as:
- You should invest in condoms.
- When are you having another?
- Did you know there’s birth control?
- Can you just not have sex?
- Thanks for contributing to over population.
- Have you stopped making stupid choices?
- How can you feed that many kids?
- Why are you so irresponsible?
- Have you heard of abstinence?
- Wow you have a football team or *insert other sports team here*
Among other things.
Most of the time, I just let it brush off me, but this time I can’t. Our van is done for, dead, no resurrection for this one. Well, R put up a post about it, asking for monetary donations to help get a new car, and tagged several friends.
A relative of that friend dropped by the post to offer some incredibly helpful advice!
“Maybe you should invest in condoms”
Gosh. If only I had thought of that.
But this post isn’t about bitching about that. These people don’t take into consideration that there just might be external circumstances to a family size.
Look, the reality of it is that I never wanted kids. I was perfectly content without them. So… What happened?
At 19, I was in a tumultuous relationship, that, while by no means abusive, wasn’t good for either of us. Well, between being really poor – therein not being able to afford condoms, lacking medical insurance – so, unable to get birth control, lacking any sex education – which included things like planned parenthood, which I didn’t know existed at the time, and the hyperactive sex joys of mania, poof we had a child.
Child number two was around the same bad set of things and poof, 2 kids at 21.
I willingly admit that while there were mitigating circumstances, bad decisions had a major role in these two coming about.
A couple months after child two was born, I spiraled into a heavily abusive relationship. It was physically and mentally abusive, but the important part in this story is that it was a very sexually abusive relationship. This was when my twins came about. They were a product of rape, and whether I wanted them or not didn’t matter. The truth is that I desperately did not, but I had to get them away from her, so, 4 children at 22.
I escaped from there, and ended up in a relationship with my best friend, who is now also my husband, on here, he is R.
Things were fine until our birth control failed.
Poof. Five kids at 25.
I’m so sick of people saying all of these things. They know damn well it’s not helpful, they’re just being mean. It is unfortunate that some people are like that.
There always circumstances that you don’t know. It is true that you can’t judge a book by its cover. You can not know a persons life circumstances by seeing them at the moment that you do.
Just… Be kind in your interactions sunshines. You never know. You really never know.
Thank you for reading, and have a beautiful day.