Kids are very touchy little creatures. They need to hug you and pat you and poke you and kiss you and crawl on you. That’s fine and dandy, and I get why, but it makes it really hard to deal with that when you have a hard time with touch.
With my anxiety comes lots of different concerns, fears and inability to handle certain things a lot of the time. Two of them are touch I didn’t initiate and loud and fast chaos.
Guess what children do all the time? It doesn’t take anything for children to quickly becoming screaming banshees racing up and down hallways, doors -open shut open shut open shut, hugs given often and freely, and the incessant background noise of “MOM! He hit me.” “MOM! She won’t stop chewing on the legos.”
“MOM! She won’t let me put my clothes in the laundry.”
“MOM! He’s trying to chew on the dogs face again.” MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM!!!!!
It’s just a little crazy. I have an incredibly hard time with all of this. I can’t have chaos like that in the house or I flip my shit in a heartbeat, then I go from wonderful mommy to Super Bitch, you know you’re screwed when she says “I’m done with this crap!”
It’s not fun, and I don’t feel good about it, but it’s something that happens, and so we have the rule of “if you’re gonna go crazy, do it outside.” It’s quite inside, and I only hear the occasional scream, either because they’re having so much fun, or because one of them decided to beat the other one with a giant plastic car, you know, the kind you can sit in. It’s hard to tell the difference.
So that helps mitigate the chaos some, which is nice, but there’s still the issue of touching. It bothers me a lot. The poor kids can’t figure out why either. I’ve tried explaining it, but it just kind of explodes their little minds. I mean, who wouldn’t want piles and piles of cuddles and hugs and kisses?
DEAR GOD HOW CAN THIS BE A THING?!
And the thing is, I understand why they think like that, but…
When you’ve got 5 kids, it’s like having a bunch of little monkies doped up on speed, 20 lbs of sugar each and enough caffeine to choke a whale… And that’s just the everyday. Like The Doctor said: “They’re fast, they’re incredibly fast. Don’t blink.” I’m pretty sure he was talking about kids, right? But if you dare to give them things to make them hyper…
Why did you feed them after midnight?!
The Gremlins come out.
The little frustrating, hyper, loud, love hungry Gremlins that drive their mommy nuts and…
Can’t get the fulfillment of physical contact they need from their Mommy, because of her mental illness, and as much as their contact bothers me, it breaks my heart that I can’t give them all the physical attention, or just attention in general, that they need from me.
Thank you for reading, and have a beautiful day sunshines.