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Adventures In Professional Eavesdropping

So, I explained my job in this post. As a quick sum up, I caption calls for the deaf, and it’s pretty neat. There are some very strange bumps in the road sometimes, between accents and speech patterns, and just some outright strange calls (like demon frog sex lady). One of the more interesting typical things though is callers from New England.

If you don’t know anybody from New England… Well, New Englanders (is that what you call yourself?) have a tendency to talk like they constantly take too much speed, especially those from Boston. If you are from New England, can you verify this?

It blows me away sometimes. Family and friends call people that are using a phone that helps them hear, because their hearing is terrible, and then they talk at a million miles a minute. Well, here’s where things get really interesting.

I have to say the punctuation, so that means that not only am I trying to keep up with a world record speed talker, but I have to insert commas, question marks and periods in-between.

If what I said where to be typed out exactly as I say it, it would be something like:

“So [comma] I went to see Bob the other day [period] He was doing pretty good [comma] but he dropped the cat in the toilet again [period] Can you believe that

This is the third time he’s done it [period] Of course he didn’t help [comma] and when the cat finally got out of the toilet [comma] the dog tried to shit on it’s head [period] That poor cat [period]

I can neither confirm nor deny that this was a real conversation.

Can you imagine saying that at just below the speed of light?! Sometimes, I really want to beat these callers over the head with the phone while screaming “YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAF PERSON!!!! SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!!!!”

Though… I feel like I might get fired for that. There are so many different callers with different accents and talking speeds. Some of the accents that I’ve had to work with: Deep South, Ebonics, Jamaican, European, Bostonian, German, Latin American, Chinese, Japanese, Australian, and several that, with my extensive amount of language experience and travel (see: very limited), can only be summed up as what the hell could that have even been?

Out of absolutely everyone that I have captioned, New England, specifically Boston, callers are by far the fastest talkers I have to caption.

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