Sometimes

My bipolar has gotten worse with age. It’s incredibly well managed with medication right now, but sometimes I’m afraid it will get so bad that medication will no longer work. I’m afraid of not being able to have a functional life anymore. See, when I don’t have meds, I don’t have hypo-mania or mild depression. I’m never symptom free. I swing wildly from fully manic to severe suicidal depression, and occasionally a twisted and terrible combination of both.

Being able to function in life at it’s most basic level, being able to hold a job down, being able to play with my kids, being able to go outside, all these things are so wonderful and beautiful and lovely and amazing, and I’m so scared I will lose it all, and never be able to get it back.

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2 thoughts on “Sometimes

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