I hate double standards (but I’m really good at them)

So, I have a tendency of having last minute plans, and by tendency, I mean it happens all the time. I’ll call up my husband when I get off work and tell him I’m going to my mom’s, and be there for the next 6 hours, or I’ll end up at a friend’s, or I’ll bring someone home without letting anyone know, but if it happens to me…

I get mad. I haven’t really been able to pinpoint why, but I think I know now.

It throws me for a loop. I get all these things planned out of what’s going to happen, and then somebody (other than myself) changes it, and no matter how small the change, I get heated and flustered really quickly.

Even if I imagined the plans incorrectly.

I think I know what’s going on though. I get really anxious when plans change without my knowledge, no matter how little it is, I bug out super fast.

What’s happening now? Where are we going to go? I’m not going to have anyone around? When did you decide you were going somewhere? Why is there another person here? What do you mean you’re already at X, I thought we were going there after I got off work.

It’s a never ending struggle to at least visually keep my cool and not blow up at R (which is who, surprise!, I have the most plans with.) Weird.

The more I think about it, the less I think it has to do with actual anger about the plans being changed, but rather fear, paranoia, anxiety and confusion amassing together to form…

The Unincredible Cornered Kid.

Able to bite heads off at a single change! Can envision the worst of things with ease! Wonderful form with words as weapons, causing the most damage with the smallest sentences!

Super Bitch, look out, you got nothing on this kid.

It really sucks though. I don’t like being scared, I don’t like being angry, and I sure as hell don’t like being mean to people, especially people I love so dearly.

Now that I (maybe) have it figured out, I guess I’m just going to have to learm how to roll with it, because if I’ve learned anything about this whole adulting thing, it’s that plans almost never go, well, as planned.

Have a beautiful day sunshines! Thank you for reading, and stay safe!

 

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7 thoughts on “I hate double standards (but I’m really good at them)

  1. I understand. I believe I am the same way. Everyone must spell out their plans, so I know what to expect. However, the same more does not stick with me and I can relax all I wish to. I’m worried my MS will take more of my limited mind. I do not even know if learning another language years ago aided me or worsened my syntactical word choices.
    Sometimes I think I am not okay unless there is anything I can worry, like a dog with a bone.
    Thank you for hashing this out, Ivy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome, and thank you kindly for the comment. It’s seems like such a weird anomaly that totally screwing with our own plans is fine, but the littlest change from something else…
      I don’t know, the fact that you know what syntactical means perhaps is a good pointer that you’re pretty good with your vocabulary lol
      Have a beautiful day sunshine ^.^

      Like

  2. I love this. I experience very similar responses to changing plans/uncertainty. To me the worst thing is that I’m perpetually afraid to *commit* to future plans — either because of anxiety about the plans themselves, or because I’m afraid that I might (for some unspecified reason) decide at the last minute that I want do something else during that time instead.

    But yeah, even people closest to me struggle to recognize that I don’t handle last-minute changes very well… I need some time to wrap my head around whatever the “new” plan is.

    Liked by 1 person

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