life · trans

Do I really want to stay stealth in my offline life?

I think about this question so often, and it drives me up a wall. On the one hand, I’m not someone you can pick out of a crowd, I’m aware that nobody knows if I don’t tell them. It’s very easy to get by that way, and I don’t ever have to worry about people going ape shit and losing friendships, cause they never have to know.

On the other hand, why is it that I should have to hide an integral part of my identity? There is no possible way that I can deny the fact that living as a male for the first 21 years of my life shaped me in a way that is different from both cis women and men.

I am a woman yes, but I am also a trans woman, and I should be damn proud of that. Why try to just be cis to the rest of the world and call it good? Why erase my past, why erase integral parts of myself to the rest of the world? I’m not talking about shouting it on the rooftops…

woman-shoutingI’m trans mother fuckers!

…I am talking about just being very casual in speaking about it and saying something about it when I am talking with people.

I’ve said for a long time that I just want to be stealth. I don’t want anyone to know, and it’s better that way, but I’m finding that most of the people I interact with more than a couple times, I tend to tell. I don’t really know why though. I mean, if I want to stay stealth, that tends to coincide with shutting the fuck up about it, but yet…

I think it’s because I don’t think that I should have to choose between representing as solely as cis man or a cis woman. I don’t think that I should continually be ashamed of the fact that I’m trans (though I am, it bothers me greatly, but that’s for another story).

I’m just tired of trans people having to have this ultimate end goal of hiding amongst “the normal people”. I mean, I’m pretty gender typical, so to speak. I’m definitely female, not gender queer or anything else, I am straight up female, but for those like me (or the masculine opposites) there’s still no reason that we should have to choose to forsake our trans identity, it should be entirely up to us…

…and it’s not.

It’s societies choice, it’s too damn dangerous to be outright out like that, and I hope that changes quicker than expected.

Have a beautiful day sunshines!

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Do I really want to stay stealth in my offline life?

    1. It’s really not that different, it’s just a different type of perceived deviation. You’re expected to be this funny looking, clueless, introverted kid by the rest of the world, and I’m expected to have the whole visual look of the damned dude in a dress trope. It’s not right, and it’s really frustrating. I’m having a harder time justifying being stealth, especially since I exist in a place where I’m 1. younger and 2. more….. *cringes* “cis-looking” for lack of a better term… (that sounds so terrible, but I don’t know how else to explain what I mean)

      Liked by 1 person

  1. “I’m just tired of trans people having to have this ultimate end goal of hiding amongst ‘the normal people’.”

    As a homeschool alum, sometimes it hurts to hear people say OH YOU WERE HOMESCHOOLED?! REALLY?! YOU SEEM SO NORMAL because I had to work damn hard to get here and assimilate into the rest of society. And deep down, I’m really not normal.

    Liked by 1 person

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