So, last night was our local TDOR event. It’s always a somber, frustrating and difficult evening. When we come together and read off the names of every known trans related murder. Our list was 78 names long this year. Unfortunately that’s low balling the reality, as many trans people aren’t reported as trans upon death, and many people hold funerals using their birth name and gender.
Too many of us are dying from homicide. Too many of us are dying from suicide.
People are so cruel to trans people that they end up taking their own lives, or attempting, on a much higher rate than the rest of the populous.
Then these same fucking people come back and say that it’s obvious that this whole “trans thing” makes people feel horrible, and thus trans people should be fixed, not helped to transition. Obviously if we’re killing ourselves at such high numbers, it must be us transitioning right? There must be something wrong with our head right?
No. Not true. Not at all. It’s the relentless bullying. It’s being told by our own governments that we are twisted, terrible people. It’s being misgendered consistantly. It’s being told that my pushing for rights to use the bathroom I need to use, the bathroom that matches my gender is a total creeper thing. It’s being told that I’m no different, or even possibly worse than pedophiles.
I am so sick and tired of me and my siblings in transition, whatever that may be for them, getting hurt. I’m tired of so many of us needing consoling so often. I’m tired of being told I’m nothing more than a perverted man in a dress. I’m tired of being so disrespected constantly.
Every year that TDOR happens the hole in my heart tears a little more. I hurt that much more.
I’m scared. That’s something that many trans people won’t say. I’m scared. By transitioning, I’ve made it far more likely to get myself murdered because of other people’s hate, and it scares me. I work for the day where trans children and adults don’t have to be so afraid.
Right now, the only thing I can do is to tell my fellow siblings:
Hold your head up high. I know it’s hard, but you are damn worth it. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re more lovely than you will ever realize. I’m proud of every last one of you, you’ve made it to another day. Thank you for those that speak loudly and passionately. Those that want to stay “stealth” and hidden, we will work for you too. Don’t be ashamed not to be a vocal advocate.
Everyone stay safe. I hope next years list will be shorter.
Have a beautiful day sunshines. I love you.