“You really do look like a woman.”
“You pass really well.”
Why thank you! So do you! Look man, I get what you’re going for, but I’m not exactly playing charades here. Would you say that to a ciswoman?
“So… Have you had the surgery?”
And what have you subjected your genitals to my dear?
“So… You have a dick?”
“Do you have a vagina yet?”
Well, actually, to be totally honest… I ended up with an ear to fuck other people with. It’s terrible.
“Wow, so you’re a boy without your clothes!”
Wow, so you’re an ass without your clothes!
“I know someone who is transgendered.”
No. You don’t, and you never will. We didn’t become transgendered. It’s not an affliction, and gender is larger than boy or girl. So no, no one is transgendered, they are a transgender person, or even better, ask what they prefer. I prefer Wonder Woman, but apparently that title is taken.
“So, it’s like being a full time drag queen?”
Yes. In the same way that a block of cheese is actually a sandwich. So, no.
A person who’s transgender is, inherently, not someone who is cisgender, but someone who’s gender (in between your ears) and sex (in between your legs) don’t match as perceived by our current concepts of gender and sex. Basically put, women with penises and men with vaginas. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s the very basic overview.
A person who is a drag queen (or king, yes it’s totally a thing, and it’s awesome) tends to be cisgender (sex and gender matching), but prefers to dress up as the opposite sex at times.
“You’re just a confused femme boy.”
“Are you sure you’re not just confused?”
Yes. I’m confused. That’s why I’m certain of my gender identity. It makes perfect sense, thank you for your advice.
“You’re getting counseling right?”
Being a trans person does not equate having mental illness, but let’s go into this a little bit:
To transition with surgery, you have to go through counseling. I have gatekeepers for my health. There is what’s called the WPATH Standards of Care, and it’s a 70+ page booklet outlining what should be done for someone who is transitioning, and how they need to do it. Here’s a short list:
1. Find a therapist
2. Begin therapy
3. Live life in prefered gender for 3 months (without hormones) <- this one is dangerous, as not all people can come out right away, and hormones do a lot to help you look more “typical” masculine or feminine depending on what you do. So, this is pretty close to forced outing.
4. Start hormones
5. Take hormones for a minimum of a year
6. Get genital hair removal done (doesn’t that sound like fun!)
7. Get 2 letters from your therapist, and another one not connected with your care in any way, shape, or form, and they have to have a Masters or above.
8. Get a consultation with a surgeon.
9. Have surgery.
There’s more to it, and I’ll go into further detail in another post, but that is the very bare bones basics to transitioning.
So yes. Therapy is pretty much inevitable, but no, it’s none of your business.
So How Do I Learn?
I know that there are a lot of things that confuse the crap out of many people when they meet someone who is transgender, and I’m all for people learning, but, this whole idea that social boundaries don’t exist for trans people is fucking frustrating.
Are you going to ask a ciswoman if they have a vagina or a dick? Are you going to ask a cisman if they have a vagina or a dick? No, you’re not, and the only time their junk concerns you is if you want to play with it.
It shouldn’t be any different for trans people either.
Look back through this list, and see if these are questions that you would ask any random cis person. If the answer is no, perhaps you shouldn’t ask a random trans person. If you know the person well (family, friend, partner, potential partner), then more questions can be asked, providing you’ve asked to see how comfortable the person is with answering them.
It is not you’re right to know the private lives of another individual no matter how strange, weird or exotic they may seem to you.
If you want to become informed about the subject, there are a number of trans bloggers (such as myself) that welcome questions, and am more than happy to answer them.
You see though, I’ve clearly and concisely stated that I am happy to have questions, personal and not, be asked to me.
The biggest thing to remember is that not any one person is the voice for the trans community. It would be like if I went up to a cis person and asked them a bunch of questions and went, wow. I totally understand cis people now. It’s good they have random person A as their leader!
So go out and learn young Padawan! I’m happy to be your teacher, just… Stop asking random people that haven’t told you they want you to ask questions. When I’m not masquerading as overall Superhero and badass Ivy Willow, I’m soooo tired of having passing questions about my pleasure parts. So, unless you’re planning on porking my plumbing, it’s none of your fucking business.
Have a beautiful day sunshine.