parenting

The Case of The Mommy Wars

For a while, I followed mommy blogs and whatnot, partially for craft ideas, mostly to see that my kids aren’t insane, and I’m not actually falling apart. Turns out all kids are made of something like 5 parts cute and 20 parts put your pants on/stop breaking things/the dog doesn’t go in the toilet/no the tv is not edible/get your hands out of your pants we’re in the middle of the store! So… Yeah.

I had to stop following a lot of them though. Why? Because, apparently I’m the enemy.

Welcome to the mommy wars.

I hate staying at home, I am not cut out for it, no way, no how. I love having a full time job and coming home to the hellions. I love seeing my kids, but not day in, day out, every day. It turns out that, according to the internets-of-all-truth (a dubious title at best) the means that I suck as a mom. Except here’s the thing:

When I am a stay at home mommy, I become a total bitch. Everyone’s life quality goes down because I get too stressed.

It doesn’t matter that I fret about their education, their housing, the food they eat or don’t, the people they may hang out with, the things going on when I’m gone. It doesn’t matter that we go on hikes and play games and do science experiements and read and enjoy life together. It doesn’t matter that even with our insane schedule and lack of funds that we make home cooked meals most nights.

I dare to be far more happy as a working mom then a stay at home mom.

I’m so sick of the mommy war bullshit. There’s no one right way to raise a kid, I mean, we have 5 kids and they all have different rules. For fuck’s sake, there’s no one way to raise all of them together!

Great that you wear your baby, my back is fucked, I can only hold my little ones for a preciously small amount of time.

I’m glad you can extended breast feed. In fact I envy you. Unfortunately I’m a trans woman, so I’m… more than lacking in the mammary gland area.

I’m glad I’m able to co-sleep, but it doesn’t matter if other people don’t.

It’s cool that you are a SAHM, I’m proud of you. I become the wicked witch of the west meets the beast from the east and turn into super bitch. It’s better if I’m not a SAHM. I’ve tried, I know. So yes, by being a working mom, I’m making the best possible decision for my family.

You can’t hole up parenting into this tidy little package of super crunchy bullshit. It’s great that you can do all that. It’s fantastic that you have the time and the energy and the understanding of little ones to be able to do those things, but that doesn’t make me a bad mom, and I’m sick and tired of this mommy war bullshit.

Here’s my only rule for parenting: try really hard to do right by your children and not fuck them up too much along the way.

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