I had a situation last night with someone that I still think is spiffy, but definitely made things awkward and creepy for a little bit. Some people would denounce a person for a single situation like this, and while I understand the concern and the sentiment, I don’t usually agree to boot at the first sign. Sometimes talking is the best course of action.
For people who want to flirt, or who think that someone is flirting with them, great, you’ve found someone you are interested in, and I’m happy for you, but there is something super-mega important that you should do first.
Be very clear before flirting, especially in detail or heavily.
My situation started, I think, when I had replied to something this person said, and it was far more full of things that could have easily been taken as innuendos then I had intended (which was zero). Though it was a direct reply to something completely and totally not sexually related in any form or fashion. So I can understand where the mixup came in, but here’s the thing:
What I had stated was fuzzy at best, and not clear if I was being flirty or not.
This person, far as I can tell, is a decent individual, and I hold nothing against them, but it did give me a chance to think about situations like this.
I implore anyone that wants to directly and explicitly flirt with someone, be crystal clear first. Ask the other person if they are interested in you. Ask them if they’ve been flirting. I know direct questions have somehow been deemed as totally not sexy, but you should get the not sexy out of the way before you get to the sexy, or you end up in an incredibly awkward situation, and sometimes, it can lose you the trust, friendship or anything else you value with a person.
Those who get hit on when they don’t want to: If you know a person who does this, especially if you have been talking to them, are friends with them or anything else, be direct about your wishes, especially if you are wanting them to stop. Explicitly tell them they have crossed boundaries. If they give a shit about you, if they are a decent person, they will understand and cut it out. If they get mad, or pushy, or will not cut it out, then by all means, cut ties with that person. They are poisonous to your life and well being, but give them a chance first. You’d be surprised how many times things like this come from misunderstanding someone’s words or body language.
We could all use to be more straightforward in all situations of life, but when it surrounds flirting, sex, or anything of the likes, I think that is one of the most important situations to be perfectly blunt about how you feel or what you want, but stay away from detailed specifics until you know the other person is digging you too.
Have a beautiful day sunshines.